Dr Sushil Kumar Rudra
Steel City Durgapur
My dear Readers, Today, I am going to portray a real story of a rural guy who had to face a bitter experience of depression from his childhood. That’s why the title of this post is” The Experience of Facing Depression”.
Like other village boys, he had to spend his life and regular activities in a rural atmosphere. He was very gentle and sophisticated. His father was a landlord and his mother was a housewife. Therefore, they had a big family. His parents gave birth to six sons and three daughters. Even his widow aunty along with her sons and grandsons usually lived in this big brick-built house.
So the youngest son of the family did not feel any isolation. Though physically he was not very strong. Let’s learn from his mouth how they spent their lives and especially how he had the experience of facing depression. I hope, my readers would enjoy the story.
Read also: Mind – Brain and Depression
The Experience Of Facing Depression:
” I spent my life in a big middle-class family. My father was a landlord and used to stay at the village home. Though we have a home in Sadar or district town in Murshidabad. You all know the history of Murshidabad. The last Nawab of Bengal – Bihar and Odisha, Nawab Sirajudullya had reigned in the Crown during the Mughal period and died in the battle of Plassey.
Murshidabad is the district name, but there is a little town by the name ” Murshidabad”/ Lalbag (the other name of the town ). It’s once the Kingdom of Bengal – Bihar and Odisha. You probably know the history of Murshidabad. How Britishers made a conspiracy with the help of Mirjafar and defeated Nawab of Murshidabad.
That’s another story. So let’s stop it. But there is a similarity of our lives with the previous story. Because my father lost his all property due to new rules made by the then ruling party.
” Though my father was a landlord, the whole life did not spend in the same flow. Suddenly, he had to face economic trouble due to a government injunction rules. The Government at that time passed a rule that no one should possessed more than 75 bighas of agricultural land.
Moreover, CPM party leaders came to our village and they instigated village folks( mostly Mohamedan ) to snatch away the lands from the landlord. Therefore, they forcibly snatched away the lands which was legally ours. Absolutely, this was a bad time for our family. A few years it took time to be normal .
Eventually, it was anarchism in politics. Jyoti Basu was then the Chief Minister of West Bengal. Therefore, our Mahamedan neighbours took this opportunity. They became ferocious at that time. Not all of them, but largely turned into opposition. The situation was such that our family members, especially women didn’t allow outside in broad daylight.
Even it impacts to us. We are then very child, mere a school going boy. Naturally, I was then very nervous. My father’s physical and mental health declined due to this political violence. Eventually, he was forced to become a political victim. Being vested all the property he had to wrap up with deep but silent depressions.
During my teens, I had to experience this situation. Our financial condition was gradually going to worse. Hence, my father became frustrated with the situation he faced with. And ultimately depression wrapped around him and he became a patient of depression.
Gradually we came to our townhouse and took admission in a famous degree college. My immediate elder brother was then a graduate student in the same college. He was a student of the morning season and I’m in the day section as an honours student.
Previously, I have spoken about my father’s bad pecuniary conditions. So our college expenditures were a lot of extra pressure on him. Though we have tried to minimise our expenses. We used to furnish our regular meal ( Lunch & Dinner) with self labour. Never went to hotels for that purpose.
I think we had done a lot for my father sake. After completing three years of graduation from my native town, both the brothers had been shifted to Kolkata ( then Calcutta) for higher education( PG ) and took admission to the University of Calcutta.
My elder brother, who is now a senior Advocate, took already admissionn one year ago to Rabindra Bharati University in Jorasanko, Calcutta.
During our higher education, my one elder brother was a serviceman in Odisha, Jajpur in Talpada Iron Ore Project. Therefore, he used to send money every month for our hostel fee. Though it’s not sufficient for us. My father also gave me some money, not regularly it was.
This was a very crucial time for us. Very tightly we have spent money. Sometimes I used to have a very cheap meal at night. You know that Kolkata is a very cheap city other than Delhi, Mumbai, Bangaluru.
So we have spent there very cautiously. On the other hand, I have been spending a joyful life. I was very popular in the department because of my singing. We have three sections. Almost all my classmates loved me very much. Occasionally, they requested me to sing a song.
Even my eminent teachers knew me for my singing. But I never took any undue advantages from them. I might have been approached before them for giving me sufficient marks. Some of my classmates utilised it, but I couldn’t.
I never express some of my health ailments. (Read also:Mind – Brain and Depression). In my early years, I have been suffering from chronic dysentery and indigestion. I am recalling the days of my childhood when I had been suffering from blood dysentery. For a long time, I didn’t tell, my parents. But all of a sudden it was exposed to all.
Dr. Pal starts allopathic treatment first of all. He was our House surgeon, an experienced Doctor. He treated me with medicine and pushed injection. But it cured temporarily. Therefore, I had to have homoeopathic treatment for a long time, but not fully cured.
One day my Jethima ( the wife of my father’s elder brother) brought a ” Tabitch” – a folk medicine which is powered by mantra( divine words) and said to put on. Surprisingly, within a day or two, I felt well and gradually became normal. I don’t know whether my readers believe or not !
There is another incident that I had to face in the very early years of my life. It’s also a physical ailment. I was suffering from typhoid and it took almost one month to get recover.
Both the ailments massively influenced me. And I would believe that I am less strong than others. In spite of that, I regularly practised Football, Cricket, Ha Du Du and other rural games.
There is another incident. It is an accident. I got burned out by the hot oil when accidentally the hot iron Kadai ( utensil ) slipped away from my hands. My elder brother admitted to the emergency word in hospital for three days and it took almost one month to be cured. It occurred before my final examination of graduation.
So my physical health was not well enough, though I have completed my graduation successfully.
Mentally I was weak then. But continued my study in Calcutta University . Previously I told that my University days were very joyful. But unfortunately, fever attacked me . The local Doctor prescribed me some medicines. After taking it, my fever came down , but my neck turned back. Immediately, my fellow hostel mates and some local brothers shifted me to National Medical College.
I became normal after taking a medicine. I returned to my home. It was also before my final examination of M.A.
Just before examination, I came to Calcutta. One of my favourite teachers Prof. Dr Manas Kumar Majumdar suggested me some questions about special papers. Moreover, he became astonished to see my weak health.
Still, I could not understand that I have been suffering from mental illness. I was not mentally strong enough. I felt panicked when I used to travel by train for six to seven hours. While walking I didn’t feel normal. Sometimes I noticed the darkness before me, yes. ( Read also: RABINDRANATH TAGORE IN DEPRESSION).
This was a terrible experience I have felt. It was just like near the presence of death. Especially it took place while I was alone. If I’m with my friends or anyone acquainted with me, there was no problem. Even I feared to go in hospital or overcrowded place.
It was all the symptoms of panic disorder or attacks. Still, I didn’t take any advice from the Psychiatrists. Yes, one time I went to a specialist before my M.A exam. But truly, I couldn’t express my problems. Because I have no idea about such a mental ailment.
Perhaps my father might have been suffering from mental illness last few years of his life. During that time, he had to face a lot of troubles in family life. Because he was the only earner of my family.
Fortunately, I have got my lectureship in a lien vacancy for three years. So my father got free somewhat.
However, I started my research works for Ph.D then. It was in 1981. My father had died this year. I still remember it. I was then a faculty member in reputed college. So he was proud of that.
On the other hand, the financial crisis had ended. Therefore, I was able to provide financial help for the treatment of my father with an eminent general physician. Though we never thought of any prominent Psychiatry.
Now I understand that he was a patient of mental illness. Even these Doctors could not make out that he should go to psychological treatment. Eventually , I felt that my father was a victim of depression.
WHY DO I HAVE TO FACE DEPRESSION? THE EXPERIENCE OF FACING DEPRESSION:
Firstly, I have already expressed here the ailments which I have been faced with my physical health. Two major diseases – one is Typhoid and another is blood dysentery.
Secondly, I had to face accident and got burnt with hot oil. Subsequently, I was not fit. During these days I had to face indigestion. Though I have regularly practised Yoga and Pranayama. And I am sure it helped me much.
Thirdly, there was a lot of pressure on my shoulder. I have tried my best to fulfil the demand of my family. On the other hand, I have a lot of pressure on my service life.
Besides, I had to go to Calcutta for my research work. During this period, I had been suffering from panic disorder. It was very strain and painful to me.
At the age of 35, I married. She is educated and intelligent. My mother was then bedridden. After a few months, she left us forever. We then belonged to a joint family. During this period, we were not happy at all. Only we found happiness when my beautiful beloved daughter was born.
However, it was 2nd phase of the experience of facing depression. I used to take some homoeopathic medicines like Kali Phos and Acconite nap.
Eventually, it helps me to control my mental situation. Other than that, I used to practice regularly Arabic and yoga. So it helped me enormously.
However, I was very busy then along with my family, college and tuition. Tuition gives me liquid money. Therefore, two times in the year during summer and Puja vacations we used to go on outings.
Ultimately, we travelled throughout India. We enjoyed it heartily. Never felt any panic or weakness at that time.
But other members of my joint family did not take it with ease. That time I felt that
this world is very critical. Naturally, the bonding of joint family was becoming weak and it turned out to bitterness.
Unfortunately, we decided then for separation from my elder brother. Hence, I felt very isolated. I was then 40. So I became physically and mentally depressed.
However, an experienced Doctor diagnosed me. He was an MD and FRCS. He prescribed some medicines like potheaden. It
continued for a long time. But didn’t alleviate me fully.
How luckily I have been cured from the bitter experience of facing depression. In the meantime, an opportunity came to me for visiting Rajasthan. After visiting almost all of the cities of Rajasthan we have reached Mt. Abu. Luckily, I spent my days there at Brahmakumari guest house.
The organisation has a big hospital ( Global Hospital). They organised and executed this hospital for the local and the guests. However, One day, we went there. There a Psychiatry diagnosed me and told that I was a patient of panic disorder.
” But don’t worry, you would be cured of all panics after getting these medicines and can move anywhere in the world alone.” – He said.
So he prescribed some medicines. I gradually became a normal man. During my youth, I couldn’t travel alone or without any companion, but now at the age of above sixty, I am travelling alone from Durgapur to Mumbai by train or by air. No fear, no panic, no obsession.
But only medicine is not sufficient. For our sound mind we should have an organised lifestyle and scientific food habits. This is must .